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Tuesday, November 3, 2015

Friends with the Ex?

Wheel of fortune is a card in tarot cards that depicts how sometimes one can be up and other times down. Nothing lasts forever, neither up or down. I was down, for quite a time due to the circumstances beyond my control. I will write about it one day, but for now let's just say that year  wasn't the best year.

My boyfriend of over two years and I split. He was the one that I was sure that I will marry. Lesson learned, we cannot be sure of anything. Since he is a marvelous, even if selfish human being, I am trying to stay friends with the ex. One thing is sure, we know each other very well, and obviously we understand each other little quirks which makes things easier in a friendship world. I know how to make him laugh, he knows how to make my days. From outside it looks so perfect.

Inside, there are days when things are not as rosy. Especially, after I have a glass of wine. Wine is known to limit inhibitions. In my case, it limits my brain and any self respect that I may exhibit. As soon as the vino hits my system all the emotional tsunami hits my phone in form of a texts. Not any text but a book long of how we were perfect and why we are not together. We will regret this and all this emotional avalanche that otherwise I would never said out loud. Naturally, the next day the hangover comes. Going through the messages I want to move away to a country no one even knows it exist. It is that bad. Or, like today, he came over to pick something up and bends over to hug me. I do not want any physical contact since it makes my heart skip a beat. You can only imagine how he comes down to just hug me and I get stiff trying to avoid it. Awkward!

Over all it comes in waves, one day I feel so adult; being friends with my ex! Just to feel desperate and naive thinking that this may even work. Perhaps it is the time to find someone new. Someone, who will make me wanna love again...